The bow tie is not an accessory. It is a position. It says: I am here, I am dressed and I know where the sardines are kept. It rests at the throat like a small butterfly that has made a series of terrible decisions.
At Velvet Collar, we hold that a proper bow tie must have a minimum width of 9 centimetres, a pleasing wobble and a clasp that releases under at least 12 newtons of pull, so that no tie shall ever strangle a gentleman who gets caught on a shrub. We call this the Shrub Clause. It is the only legislation the house has ever supported.
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